Hey! I’m a Time Magazine Person of the Year!

As many of you know, Time Magazine chose ME and millions of other “citizens of the new digital democracy” (their term for internet users and content creators) as their Person of the Year 2006 . I would be remiss if I did not respond to such an honor.

First, let me thank the editorial staff at Time Magazine for even considering me. I particularly want to single out Richard Stengel, Managing Editor at Time, for even giving me a shot at this profoundly moving accolade. I wept uncontrollably when the news reached me…to be so honored was almost more than I could bear.

The only award I had ever received previously was 4th runner up in a Chili Dog eating contest in Toad Suck Arkansas (yes it’s a real place). I still have the trophy, a bronze weenie, sitting on top of my eight track tape player which I have cleverly rigged to play through my IBM 386. (How often have I wished for an Apple!). My custom framed Time Magazine cover will now share space with the weenie. I could not be more proud.

For the record, you should all realize that Mr. Stengel faced a tough decision in making his final choice. It seems that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was a finalist as well. (it’s true, read the news accounts). In the end, Mr. Stengel told the press, ” It just felt to me a little off selecting him.” Only a fair and considerate man would struggle with such a decision. It must have been hell for him. I’m not sure how I beat out such a distinguished world leader, but am never-the-less very pleased and gratified.

I have sent a conciliatory note to Mahmoud because I know how much his feelings must be hurt. I did, by the way, add a PS suggesting to him that his World Conference disavowing the Jewish holocaust of WWII might have been a little ill-timed if he truly hoped to win Time’s Person of the Year 2006. Timing is everything Mahmoud, live and learn.

There were 26 runners up for the prestigious award, “People who Mattered” as Time described them. Included on that list were such notables as North Korea’s Kim Jong ll, Vice-president Dick Cheney, President Bush, and out-going Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld. Oh…and the Pope. A pretty lightweight group when you think about it. No wonder we won.

Finally, I want to say to my millions of co-recipients that it is a deep privilege to share this award with each and all of you…well almost all of you. If you surf porn all the time or prowl teen chat rooms, I’m not wild about sharing it with you. Oh and all you guys in Nigeria..forget it, no way. Every mortgage refinance group is also off my share list (really guys, give it a break).

And finally, this is for every Democrat and Republican candidate who wrote and asked for money during the last campaign. If I had known we were on a first name basis, I would have been in touch sooner that we might talk personally about such issues as internet taxation and regulation. Hit me with another personal note and we can set up a call.

The rest of you, however, are good to go. And I was thinking: Maybe we ought to plan a casual get together one of these days…a kind of “after the award party” like the Hollywood celebs do. Hey, maybe Time will host it.

I’ll call them tomorrow and get back to you. Ciao.


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